Thursday, August 26, 2010

Zombie Fungus Can Control Ants; Scientists furiously looking for Human Connection

The Guardian - The finding shows that parasitic fungi evolved the ability to control the creatures they infect in the distant past, even before the rise of the Himalayas.

The fungus, which is alive and well in forests today, latches on to carpenter ants as they cross the forest floor before returning to their nests high in the canopy.

So, this just came through the wire that a zombie fungus is controlling ants and we should all watch out. Yada Yada Yada! I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times nobody cares about zombie ants. This is not news. What is news is the potential for men to have a whole new excuse to do whatever we want! If scientists can find a human connection for this fungus, then we can be off the hook for anything.

Why are you sleeping around on me? What are you talking about woman? I didn't do that, the zombie fungus slept with the 19 year old neighbor. The zombie fungus killed that prostitute. The zombie fungus through a coup in Haiti and installed the rightful leader, Wyclef. The possibilities are endless and we should all be excited.

PS... If I have one person bitch to me about the goddamn zombie apocalypse again, I'm gonna lose it. No, it isn't real you little fruitcakes. It's not gonna happen. Even if it did, who the hell cares... they're fucking boring ass zombies. It would finally give me an excuse to take a road trip to California looking for twinkies. Then when we get there, I get to hunker down with my boy Woody at an amusement park and taking shooting practice all day then ride the rides for free. Laser show.

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