Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Oregon Trail the Movie? Yes Please.


I don't care if this is real or fake... get me this fucking movie! Sure, it needs a little polish. First, Daniel Day Lewis is the obvious and only choice for the lead, with Ben Affleck directing. Yes, directing. Playing his whiny bitch wife should be Renee Zellweger. She can pull that off, easy. Also, other parts should be handed out to Corey Haim (so what if he's dead... bring him back!), John C. Reilly, and basically the entire cast of the 1986 classic 'Malibu Bikini Shop' (yeah Bruce Greenwood!).

If you are anything like me, you know that Oregon Trail is the greatest video game of all time. You got to kill animals, be a baller and buy a raft so your oxen don't drown, etc. And what was your prize? You got to go to Oregon! Fuck man! Oregon! Are you shitting me?!? How could this get any better? Oh yeah, we make a fucking movie out of this. You bet your sweet ass we're doing it.

P.S. On a side note... Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's on the soundtrack? Yes please. Because nothing says unapologetic partying like guiltily listening to hipster music. (Fuck you hipsters... like your music, like PBR... but FUCK you! More on you shit stains later).

-sixsix

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