Thursday, May 20, 2010

Who is Jack Shit?

For some time many of us have wondered: who is Jack Shit? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Shit!" Well, thanks to my efforts you can now respond in an an accurate and intelligent way.

Jack Shit is the only son of Awe Shit, who married Oh Shit. In turn, Jack Shit married Noe Shit. The couple had 6 children: Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins Deep Shit and Dip Shit.

Deep shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe Shit Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Lotta Shit and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit. Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers in a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the Shit-Happens wedding. Bull Shit traveled the world and returned home with an Italian bride, Pisa Shit.

So from now on, no one can tell you that you don't know Jack Shit.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

April Tweets

All the unapologetic Twattering from April. Enjoy!

Fake mobster is Not Sorry for Partying: #SFP Thanks to @stephenjreardon
5:28 PM Apr 5th
This makes perfect sense if you've ever been stoned: @sbenkov @jaeDC #SFP #muffins #thisismydream
12:10 PM Apr 7th
"I'm not from the North!" Best Jimmy Dean sausage complaint ever. @jaeDC @Dolski28 #SFP
12:44 PM Apr 7th
"Bro, You're A God Among Bros" Thanks @TheOnion #SFP #therealme @Dolski28 @brettshank
1:39 PM Apr 8th
Carlsberg bans beer, workers go on strike: #ifonlyinamerica #SFP Thanks @stephenjreardon
5:06 PM Apr 8th
John Daly the Bro King hits tee shot off a tall boy: #havefaith that this man is a true bro #SFP
1:12 PM Apr 13th
And let's not forget the time the Bro King played an entire round shoeless and shirtless: #NotSorryForPartying
1:17 PM Apr 13th
Quote re: Texas Stadium demolition ( "What if they had an F-18 flyover and bombed that shit? That'd be true Texas!"
1:22 PM Apr 13th
Two gems from @BarstoolBoston re: drinking in a police car & the season's hottest new fashion #SFP
10:48 AM Apr 14th
Great column by @WafflesMcButter on @BroBible re: Loyola Univ Panel on Bros #lifeisgoodwhen you're a #Bro #SFP
3:22 PM Apr 14th
Craigslist bro seeking fake girlfriend to meet parents: Sounds like the beginning of a @TuckerMax story. #SFP
10:13 AM Apr 15th
"We drink because it's what men do" Thanks @sbenkov #MadMen #SFP
1:27 PM Apr 15th
NH tops nation in average state dick size: #livefreeordie #theydontcallitthegranitestatefornothing #SFP
2:02 PM Apr 15th
This picture is worth 100,000 words: Thanks to @BarstoolBoston #SFP @sbenkov @brettshank @Dolski28 @jaeDC
4:07 PM Apr 16th
Can you down a pitcher of beer in 5 seconds? This guy can: #nowplaying #SFP
11:13 AM Apr 19th
Iranian cleric claims slutty bitches cause earthquakes; I say fact: #science #truth #SFP @jaeDC
3:09 PM Apr 19th
Baltimore is trying to bro-hate; Hopkins students are outraged, drunk: @kelmcdowell #SFP
11:25 AM Apr 20th
I Just Lost The Game: @stephenjreardon @kelmcdowell #SFP
3:16 PM Apr 20th
@PatrickRuffini You're right! Anyone who endorses Rubio would have the intelligence of a cup of coffee.
10:43 AM Apr 22nd
Utah to execute unapologetic killer by firing squad: Thanks @huffingtonpost #SFP #capitalpunishment @BroBible @jaeDC
3:35 PM Apr 23rd
What a bunch of quitters: #KappaAlphaOrder #SFP #OldSouth
4:23 PM Apr 23rd
Bro-hating is afoot at Connecticut College: @BroBible @sbenkov #broandproud #SFP
3:20 PM Apr 28th
Sheep+Tasers+Meth=Corporate Research: I'm in the wrong line of work. #sheepgethightoo #SFP @BroBible
3:33 PM Apr 28th
Indonesian police officers forbidden from enlarging their wangers: #TooBlackForTwitter #SFP @BroBible
3:37 PM Apr 28th
New SuperSoaker shoots goo, dubbed "The Cum Cannon" Word is that @jaeDC would love one @BroBible #goo #SFP
3:55 PM Apr 28th