Thursday, March 18, 2010

Spring Cleaning

There's nothing too unapologetic about this story. It's more of an amusing aside that provides a window into how we live (frattily). The following is an email that was sent by our landlords to the entire development. As you will see from the follow-up commentary, it was most definitely directed solely at our house. Names have been omitted to protect the guilty. Enjoy:

During a recent inspection of the [Development] grounds and exterior, I noticed that a number of the patios need to be tidied up. Please, as a courtesy to us and your neighbors, make sure that your patios are kept in a neat and tidy manor and that if any of the following are present, please remove them.

Please remove any of the following:
Cans and bottles
Cigarette butts
Xmas lights
BBQ ashes
Tiki torches
Beer pong tables
Trash
Furniture that is not designed to be used outside.

I also noticed many cigarette butts on the grounds and in the parking areas. If you smoke please do not litter and dispose of your cigarette butts in the correct manner.

As you know we, at [Blank] Property Management, take a lot of pride in our properties and strive to keep them in tip top condition. Please help us by keeping your patios picked up.
Thank you in advance for your continued help in this matter, I am sure it will make a difference for all residents.

[Landlord]
[Blank] Property Management

I have to say that receiving this email was a pleasure and an honor. The man that we pay thousands of dollars to each month had just described in detail, for the benefit of 19 other sets of renters, the exact state of our patio. (Sorry for partying).

Let's review:

Cans and bottles... check

Cigarette butts... check times about 100 (and none of us smoke, go figure)

Xmas lights... check (and let's not forget the 3-month old tree that they were still on)

BBQ ashes... check (and overturned grill)

Tiki torches... check times 3 (in our defense they were uprooted and deposited on our patio by the Mexican landscapers in October)

Trash... check (although it depends on what your definition of trash is; "one man's trash...")

Furniture that is not designed to be outside... check (doesn't this seem like a judgment call to you?)

They also forgot 2-month old spaghetti (in tupperware, of course), a jug of apple cider that we were attempting to ferment into booze, and a case of energy drinks that came free with the purchase of our last keg.

As Baby Boy Da Prince rapped in his 2006 classic: "This is the way I live/ Lil’ Boy still pushin’ big wheels/ I stack my money, lay low, and chill./ Don’t need to work hard that’s the way I feel, I feel, I/ This is the way I live."

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