Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Winter Olympic Drinking Games-The Opening Ceremonies

The Winter Olympics are finally upon us. In just over 24 hours the 2010 Vancouver Games will open. Over the last two weeks, we've brought you an exclusive series of event-specific drinking games to enhance your viewing experience. So far, you've seen games covering speed skating, curling, bobsleigh, snowboard, hockey, and figure skating. Yes, we missed a number of events, but please don't let that discourage you. Use the ones we posted as inspiration to make up your own drinking games. And now, the granddaddy of them all: the Opening Ceremonies drinking game.

You may look at this game and, initially, be intimidated. You may say, "But this is too much, I couldn't possibly sack up for something as intense as this." Well in response to that, let me ask you a question: do you think Columbus ever looked out at the ocean and said "It's too vast or too intimidating?" Did Sir Edmund Hillary ever gaze up to the summit of Everest and say, "No fucking way?" In 1932, did FDR appraise the Great Depression and say "Fuck it, I'll just sip martinis at Hyde Park and ride this bitch out?" Did the great United States of America just throw in the towel when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Did JFK ever look up at the moon and say that putting a man on it was an impossible goal? No, he took the bull by the fucking horns and got it done. That's what you need to do here, because there's no place in America for pussies.

Remember to always begin and end every drinking game with chants of "USA! USA! USA!" People will hear you, they will understand, and they will join you. And, of course, the game described in last Monday's post applies throughout the entirety of the Olympics.

The Opening Ceremonies Drinking Game:

1.) Take a drink every time a new country is introduced; drink twice if you can trace family origins back to that country

2.)
Take a shot of Jim, Jack, or Evan (your choice) when the USA is introduced

3.) Take a drink every time the announcer says "this symbolizes this" or any derivative thereof

4.) Take a drink every time the announcer uses obnoxious adjectives like "magnificent," "amazing," "incredible" to describe things that are clearly ordinary or not that great (people tend to get carried away with the Olympic spirit)

5.) Take a drink every time the inspirational music switches to a new song; drink twice if it's the official Olympic theme

6.) Take a drink every time the Olympic rings are formed by people executing choreographed moves

7.) Take a drink and give yourself a dead leg (to remind yourself not to enjoy it) every time an interpretive dance is performed

8.) Take a drink for every inspirational story that is presented

9.) Pour one out for one's homies when they debut the remake of "We Are the World" and then say "Burn in hell, Michael Jackson"

10.) Take a drink every time the Olympic Torch is shown on camera; take a shot of your choice when they light the Olympic Cauldron

Bonus Death Rule:

11.) Take a shot of Jameson when Ireland shows up; a shot of vodka for Russia; a beer for Germany; a glass of red wine for France; a shot of tequila for Mexico; a sake bomb for Japan; and kill a hooker when Canada shows up

The Opening Ceremonies start at 7:30 pm EST Friday night on NBC, so be sure to have some popcorn and plenty of booze. USA! USA! USA!

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